why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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