So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
