My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
