you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
