Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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