We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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