if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
