She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize