You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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