I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
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