i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's always time for handjobs
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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