I want to walk on stilts...naked
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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