I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
