I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
