2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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