I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Randomize
