Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Randomize
