I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
