Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
