Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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