He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Randomize