Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
