wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
