I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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