so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
