Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
