It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
