Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
