I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
