that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
