You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
