dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
