Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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