the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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