very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
