i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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