I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
