It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
