my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
