There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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