I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
