apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
