wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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