The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
