If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Ladies don't puke and tell
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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