I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
