You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
