Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
