i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
he thought i was a dude.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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