Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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