i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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