i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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