??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
