yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
