he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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