That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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