My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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