i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
