you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
