Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
