Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
