whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
