you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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