i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Randomize
