he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
