I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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