We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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