My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
