Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
