Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
