I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
