is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
